Best Day Ever

Things that happened that made today pretty much awesome: -Didn't work first job where I would have been cleaning my least favorite house to clean. Slept in instead. -The day was gorgeous and from what I heard, a bit hot. I was inside with a swamp cooler. -The boss bought us pizza for lunch. -I found out that an awesome girl is going to take the room I have available in my house. -A friend brought me a fan today for my seriously hot upstairs bedroom, so I don't die this summer. -I got to go on the bank run and it took pleasantly forever. -A regular customer gave me a free coconut water. Yum. -A stranger on his walk gave me the rose he was holding, smiled, and then walked away. -The cat was by my apartment when I got home and I got a good kitty hug. He is now passed out in my book nook as I type. -The day isn't over yet. <3

I'm sorry I've gotten dark about this

Have you ever felt as though someone were listening in on one of your worst moments? You, there, heaving away over a white bowl, with the stench of your lazy inability to clean your own bathroom wafting in waves toward your already pale and coldly sweating face? Nearly a hundred thoughts run through your head in a second: the things you may have drunkenly said last night, that half flight of stairs you nearly fell face-forward down, that dress some girl dared you to put on, whether or not eating that burrito as a supposed hangover cure was or was not in fact a good call. At the same time these hundred thoughts hit you, they dissipate into a white haze, your stomach lunges, you heave more of that awful order-in decision and the multiple shots you thought were a splendid idea just twelve hours ago. Coughing the acid up, sweating a blanket of pale, and intermittently thinking between moments of overwhelmed purging, someone in the next apartment listens in. She presses her head against the wall right where your toilet is, as though she is standing over you witnessing this awful moment. You feel at your weakest and most vulnerable as this practical stranger listens in closely, a scene that ought to be private as far as you are concerned. She revels in it, strangely, knowing that there is a tinge of retribution to be enjoyed here. You see, last night you made the decision to invite your friends over for a night of debauchery to celebrate a holiday that doesn't matter to the culture it is a historical benchmark for. You poured tequila shots into the wee hours and continued to raise the volume despite her plea to "try to keep it down a bit" because she, unlike you, has a couple of jobs to maintain to pay the rent. She's listening to you pay for her night of quiet ruined. And she delights in this weak moment of yours and more so, that strange feeling you couldn't help but have -feeling watched as you throw your guts into a bowl.

Strange Endearment

I find a lot of things that make me somewhat uncomfortable interesting and endearing. I might have a perplexed look on my face, but chances are that if you're doing something really special, I enjoy watching the spectacle.

Like this. This is so fucking weird. And I love it.

I was going to write about my battle with depression...

...but then I thought that I might dive deeper into it and find myself awash in a sea of counter-productivity and despair. I'm doing that thing again, so many of those things again that I do that don't work, that make me miserable, that inspire others to well, not like me much either. Like those things.

Instead, I think revisiting a TED talk I discovered earlier in the week (when I was all happy rainbows and sunshine and shit) might be a good start. Followed by listening to loud music of the electronic variety, and working on my sad bunny painting. Yes, I am working on a sad bunny painting. I cannot wait for it to be finished. The focal point is a big fat bunny crying into his adorable fat little paws. It's probably the best thing I've ever drawn frankly.

Inspiration:


Alright....

So this first: Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work from TED


Then the rest, while I wait for my "Get Over It" Hard Nutrition drink to kick in. You know, I don't like to put too much faith in products, but I've got a good feeling about this one. So many supplements. It can't do me wrong.

There is such a thing as resolution

And forgiveness is the most incredible gift.

I'm glad I don't feel like this anymore...

50 minutes of yes!

Nils Frahm will be at Communikey's Festival of Electronic Arts in April 2012. It is highly recommended that you check out this video. Light some candles, curl up with a book, draw a bath, whatever does it for you. This live set is incredible!




And if you want to see Mr. Frahm live this coming April, you can grab tickets to the festival here:Communikey2012 tickets

It's all I can be for you

Because I lied when I said I was fine. The truth is, I feel broken, abused, and empty.